The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair. It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like: Who do you think you’re kidding? You look like a fool. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough.

Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I’d think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, It’s the voice of reason.